I was born into a Christian family that attended a Baptist church. I asked Jesus into my heart at a young age, mostly out of fear of going to hell.
I prayed the prayer I was taught many times at church:
“Jesus, please come into my heart. Please forgive my sins. I know I’m a sinner. I believe you died on the cross for my sins. Amen.”
I followed all the rules. I attended church religiously—Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night Awana, Christian school Monday through Friday. If church was open, I was there. Church was a part of my being. I didn’t know anything different.
One of my Sunday school teachers, Mrs. Swanson, encouraged us to read the Bible every day. She would give us one piece of gum for each day we read. I loved candy, so I made sure I read every day so I could earn a whole pack of bubble gum. That small incentive created a habit I am still grateful for today.
I continued reading my Bible daily and had read through the entire Bible by high school. I was a rule follower, so obeying what I was taught in church and school came easily to me. I believed that if I followed God’s laws, life would go well. I thought obedience would protect me from heartache and from the consequences of sin I read about in Scripture.
But near the end of my senior year of high school, something happened. Things did not go the way I expected. I experienced deep heartache, and I wasn’t emotionally prepared for it. All my life I had believed that doing the right thing would lead to blessing. Instead, I felt like I was being punished for following God’s rules.
To make matters worse, I didn’t feel close to God at all. Where was the God of comfort in my grief? Why did I feel so alone? I began to believe that God had turned His back on me, so I turned my back on Him. After all those years of obedience, it felt like a scam. Why follow God if it didn’t turn out well?
When I left for college, I walked away from God for the next ten years. I was no longer surrounded by Christian friends, family, or regular teaching from the Bible. While I didn’t do anything too wild—by the grace of God—I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped going to church. I stopped praying.
I got married and had children. Life was fine. I didn’t feel like I needed God. I believed I had “hell insurance” because I had prayed the prayer as a child. God became someone I only talked to in desperate moments.
Then, when I was 28, God pursued me—like the one lost sheep out of the hundred.
My parents became involved in a Christian ministry helping orphans in Malawi, Africa, and they asked me to help with writing newsletters. I leaned on my past knowledge of Scripture and my years of Christian education. Honestly, I felt like a fake using Christian language again.
The couple who ran the ministry came to the United States and stayed with us for a visit. I knew I would be driving them around, so I decided I should probably find a Christian radio station. I remembered my dad listening to Moody Radio when I was young, so one night while driving, I turned it on.
I believe it was Alistair Begg preaching that evening. He was teaching from Matthew 7:21–23:
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven… And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me.’”
Hebrews 4:12 says that the Word of God is living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword. That night, it pierced my heart.
A deep fear and sadness came over me as I thought, What if I died today? Would Jesus say that to me?
I wanted to argue. I had followed all the rules when I was young. I prayed. I went to church. You knew me. Yet it felt as if God was saying, “I knew you then, but I don’t know you now.”
It felt like an old friend saying, “Where have you been? We used to be so close.”
I began to wonder if I had only followed rules instead of truly surrendering my life to Christ. Had I obeyed out of love and repentance or simply because I thought obedience would guarantee a good life?
Jesus says in Luke 9:23, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
That night, God showed me He wanted a relationship with me. Not rule-following. Not empty words. He wanted my heart. He wanted me to follow Him, not just believe facts about Him.
Sitting in my car, I surrendered my life to Christ. Not out of fear of hell, but because of a genuine desire to know Him, obey Him, and please Him. This time, I wanted to.
I began reading my Bible again. I started praying. I attended Christ Community Church faithfully. I was baptized shortly after. And I have never turned away from God again.
I’ve also never stopped listening to Moody Radio! 😊
I am forever grateful that God pursued me that He met me right where I was and reminded me that Christianity isn’t about rules. It’s about a relationship.
And this time, I chose Him back.
Written by Sheri Fortes - Visit Website
Author of "All Natural Mom's Guide to the Feingold Diet"
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